Lusting at the carnival queens Lusting at the carnival queens

May 08, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I write to you with a tale of an American visitor (yours truly) who, while on vacation in Jamaica, encountered a series of events that can only be described as a mix between a comedy and an enlightening cultural experience.

Picture this: a naive American tourist, ready to soak up the sun and immerse in Jamaica's vibrant carnival season, only to find himself both shocked and bewildered by the festivities.

As I grooved to the infectious beats and soaked up the atmosphere, I couldn't help but notice the stunning women in their glittering, 'barely there' costumes. It felt as if I had stepped into a parallel universe where everyone was dressed for a Victoria's Secret show, but with a lot more feathers and a lot less fabric! It was like Mardi Gras and the Met Gala had a fabulous love child, and I was suddenly the unwitting chaperone.

As I danced my way through this sea of scantily clad sirens, I couldn't help but feel a bit like a fish out of water. My American sensibilities were having a hard time keeping up with the revelry! Was this over-sexualised, or was I just being a prude? I couldn't help but wonder if other visitors were as shocked as I was, or if they were simply better at hiding their blushing cheeks.

In the midst of my befuddlement, I managed to connect with several of these captivating carnival queens, who graciously shared their Instagram handles with me. Little did I know that I was unwittingly signing up for a VIP pass to the Jamaican social scene! Since that fateful day, my phone has been buzzing non-stop with messages and invitations. I've been on a different date each night this week. I'm starting to feel like the star of my very own reality dating show!

Pastor, as you can imagine, I find myself in quite a pickle. I'm flattered by the attention but overwhelmed by the whirlwind of social engagements. How do I strike a balance between embracing the culture and maintaining my values? How can I ensure that I'm not leading on these lovely ladies?

As I navigate this conundrum, I look to you for guidance, dear Pastor. How can I tread this fine line between a comedic misadventure and a life lesson? Your wise counsel would be much appreciated.

American Bachelor

Dear American Bachelor,

As I read your letter, I became convince that although you say you were shocked as a visitor to the island of Jamaica during the carnival season, I got the impression that you enjoyed yourself immensely. You knew that you were coming to carnival and during carnival, people don't wear much clothes. And some women barely cover the essentials.

I hope I do not misunderstand you, but you seem to want to give the impression that what you saw was immoral. If you want to describe what you saw as immorality, it is up to you. But tourists know that wherever they visit during carnival, they are going to see things that are outside the normal. I repeat, you enjoyed what you saw and if you had not enjoyed the shows, and soca beach and so on, you wouldn't have accepted the dates from these women. And if you were disgusted by their calls, you would be be blocking them every day. So I am not at all impressed by the comments that you have made.

I ask of you to stop giving the impression that the girls who were dressed in these costumes are bad and immoral. I repeat, I am not impressed with your letter at all. Block all the girls you don't want to hear from, but don't condemn them because of what you saw. If you don't want to come back to Jamaica during that period, feel free to go somewhere else. I believe that you are going to return to Jamaica to take part in another carnival.

I hope I have not insulted you in any way; I just have to express my disgust at your letter.


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