is three times my age

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am confused. I have a brother who is 19, and both of us are at home with our parents. I would like to leave, but I do not have any subjects as yet.

I am hoping to get some Caribbean Examinations Council passes and leave home. My father started to have an affair with my neighbour and when my mother found out, she cursed him and stopped having sex with him. The situation hurt my mother.

One day, both of us were talking about it, and I told her that one of her friends has always been asking me for sex but I always told him no. My mother was surprised. Anyway, one evening I went out with this man and he asked me about my needs. I lied and told him that everything was all right. He asked me what was the big problem with my father and mother. I told him that I didn't know my father and mother were having any problems. I told him to buy some chicken before taking me home. He bought me a family-size bucket and he gave me $5,000. My mother was very happy.

The next Sunday we went out again, but this time he told me that if I wanted to spend his money, I would have to give him something. I asked him what and he said, 'Don't you know what men want from women?' I told him that whenever he wanted it, he should let me know. He asked me, 'What about tonight?' I told him that I was not prepared. He bought me pizza and gave me $5,000 again.

When I told this man that I had never had sex, he said that I should go and have sex with someone else before having it with him because he does not like blood. After going out with this man for three months, we had sex. We have been doing it now every week. We have always used the condom, but he is very jealous and can sometimes be controlling. My mother knows what is going on. She told him to make sure that he doesn't get me pregnant.

I am now working with him, and he is taking care of all my bills. My father is upset with my mother. He says that my mother is encouraging this man, who is three times my age, to be having a relationship with me. I love him so much. I don't know what to do. I would prefer to stop talking to my father than to stop talking to this man.

C.P.

Dear C.P.,

Your father has neglected his home, and it is unfortunate that because of financial needs, you got involved with this man.

I am assuming that this man has his own home and that your mother is encouraging the relationship because she, too, needs the help. I hope that you will go back to school, and that you will study for your exams and pass. You did not say what type of work you would like to do, but this man is helping you.

I am sure that as you mature, you will come to realise that things happen in life that you do not plan. I hope that this man will treat you well and will not get you pregnant. You are a young girl, so be very careful; and talk to your mother about everything.

Pastor