My man can’t get it up

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I am living with a man, but we are not married.

He is 55 years old. He was living with another woman, but she left him because she told him that he didn’t have any use. I met him in a supermarket; he was doing his own shopping. He struck up a conversation with me by telling me that the cost of living is very high, so he has to be careful about what he takes up.

He asked me if I was alone and I told him yes. I asked him if he was alone and he said that he is living alone. When we got to cashier, he offered to pay for the few items I had taken up; I agreed. I thanked him for his help and when we got outside, we exchanged numbers and I watched him until he got into his car.

Later in the evening, I called him and thanked him again for paying for my items, and he said “Anytime”. He invited me to his house, but I told him I just met him, so I did not want to visit him there. This man invited me to have lunch with him the following day. I told him that I was a working girl, but I can go with him on my day off. So, we made a plan. He called me back the following day and told me the name of the restaurant. I told him that I will get there. He met me there. He has a large appetite. He ordered a food to take away. He said that was going to be for his dinner the following day.

We kept going out for two months, but in the meantime, I passed by his house unknowing to him, just to check to see if he was there or if he had another car parked in his driveway. I told one of my sisters about him. She has her own vehicle, so she accompanied me twice when I passed by his house.

One day I told him that I had some friends who were going on a trip to MoBay and they invited me and told me I could bring a friend. I also told him what it would cost. He told me he would give me the money to go, but he would not come with me. He gave me the money and I went off with my friends. I called him three times while I was on the trip but he did not respond. When I got back to Kingston, I called him and told him I was trying to reach him. He said he probably had his phone off.

One evening, about 8:30 p.m., I went to his house. He was not expecting me and when I knocked, he answered and he came to the door and half opened it. He told me that he was not expecting me, so I asked “May I come in?” He said no because he has a visitor. I was able to see that it was a female. I told him that it was okay and I left his place and called a taxi to take me home.

I did not hear from him for two days, so I called him and he apologised for not letting me in. He also said that the woman was one of his cousins. I asked him why he did not introduce me to her and he said that she would have thought that he and I were lovers. I know that they are lovers and that is why he did not let me in.

This man is trying to be clever. He still wants us to date. Every time we talked on the phone, I behaved like a fool and I asked for his ‘cousin’. His story was never straight. I finally went to live with him and I found out that he truly does not have any use. I can be in the house naked and it would not turn him on.

I went through his phone and I saw the number he frequently calls. I called it and I introduced myself to the girl who answered. It was the same girl he calls his cousin. So, without his permission, I invited her to the house; she came and he was very upset. I did so because I wanted to find out if she has ever been to bed with him. She told me nothing like that goes on between them, but he admitted that they are not related. She tells me that when she is there, he plays his music and she dances for him, strips before him, and he pays her.

I told the young woman that I am going to go back to my parents’ house because I cannot have a relationship with a dead man. She told me that she would teach me how to dance and strip and earn lots of money from him because that is what he wants. Pastor, this man is not normal.

K.

Dear K.,

I cannot encourage you to continue to live with this man.

The stripper might not be telling you the whole truth and you should know that this man is not truthful either. End the relationship with this man as soon as possible. You are employed and you can support yourself. The relationship you are having with this man is not good; bring that to an end. Try and find a good man.

Pastor