My husband’s tool is too small

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old, I will be 23 very soon. I got married in June this year and I am faced with a big problem. I would like to say from the outset that I love my husband. We attended the same church before we got married, and we are still there.

I became a Christian when I was 19. By that time I had three different boyfriends and I made love to all three. It is not something I am proud of, but all my friends were having sex, and I was no different.

The guy who took my virginity had a six-month relationship with me and then he left for the United States of America. However, before he left, he told me that he may marry someone there to get his papers. I told him I would understand if that happens. There was no animosity between us. A few months after he left, I met another guy. That relationship didn't last long at all. He was wild, so we broke up.

After I got into a third relationship, I was invited to a crusade and I became a Christian. I try to be a good Christian. I stopped having sex, and this man who became my husband did not pressure me for sex, either. But looking back now, I wonder if I made a mistake. We made out, but we never touched each other's private parts. He never saw me naked nor did I see him naked. I used to tell myself I have a good Christian man. We had a lovely wedding. My father paid for my wedding. I am his only daughter, and he was happy to see me get married. My father was able to afford it.

As I write this letter to you, tears are flowing down my face and I wonder why my husband did not tell me the truth about himself. After our wedding, we took off for our honeymoon. My friend, who was married, helped me to pack my bag with every little thing she knew I would need as a young married woman for my honeymoon. She even told me that I should shave; something that I never thought about.

When we got to our hotel and we booked in, it was just time for us to eat. We ate and I tried to get my husband to shower with me. He told me to go ahead, so I did. After he had his shower and he came into the room and I looked at him, I could barely see his penis. It was so small. So I got up and turned on the light and had a look at him. The man's private part was so small -- like the size of a child's little finger. I was surprised, I asked him why it was so small and he said he did not make it himself. That night we made love, but he couldn't manage. I didn't feel anything when he was inside me. We tried again later on in the night, and I realised that I was in trouble. He became embarrassed.

He is a good man, a wonderful provider. He is 27 years old. However, I know what it is to feel sexually satisfied because, as I said, I had boyfriends before my husband. I don't know what to do. I refuse to discuss this with anybody, not even my closest friends, and that is why I am writing to you. What should I do? My husband told me that if I did not have sex with these guys,I wouldn't have considered him small. I hate to think of leaving my husband, but I may have to do so unless this problem can be solved. So please let me hear from you very soon.

R

Dear R.,

At your age, you must know whether a man carries a small, an average-size or a large penis. When your husband told you that if you hadn't had sex before, you wouldn't have considered him small, he was talking foolishness; total nonsense. He is clearly embarrassed.

I remember in a counselling session, a young lady told me about a man who showed interest in her, but she refused to continue the relationship with him because he was very, very small. Some women continue to say that size matters. Sometime ago, I was not feeling well and I was told to drink some rum with honey and lime. While there for a brief moment, a man tried to engage a woman. He asked her for sex and she grabbed the front of his pants and said, 'You don't have anything here', in a loud manner that everybody could hear. The man said, 'Try me nuh, try me nuh.' So I repeat, size matters. Your own experience taught you that it is true. But in your case it is not a joking matter. You have kept yourself during the courtship and you were looking forward to your honeymoon night, and you were disappointed. You have kept this matter private, but both of you need to see a sex therapist.

I know that some men who are very small have had an operation on their penis to increase their size. My understanding is that this type of operation is very expensive, but I also understand that one can do an extension to his penis for the purpose of having sex. And that is the reason why I am saying both of you should consider going to a therapist. Perhaps your husband, even before doing so, should take you to see his urologist. Perhaps a urologist may have some suggestions to make.

I commend you for not telling anybody about it, because it is very embarrassing. Talk only to professionals, but don't be tempted to go with another man, at least not while you are married. If both of you divorce, that is a different thing. You will have a new husband to deal with. Bye for now.

Pastor