Can’t decide which girl to marry

September 27, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am living in America. I am 21 years old. I came here when I was 18. I am attending university and I met a girl. We are in love; but I also have a girlfriend in Jamaica and I really love her, too. I promised her that I would marry her, so she is expecting that I will keep my word.

Last year I went to Jamaica and gave her an engagement ring. My mother told me that was a foolish thing to do, because I do not know what will happen to our relationship. I told my mother nothing would happen to our relationship on my part, because my love for her is real.

But I have met this other girl, who has been helping me financially. I have found myself in a situation where I am coming to love this girl more and more. She asked me if I have my thoughts on any other woman and I told her about my girlfriend in Jamaica. She told me to call the girl and break up with her. That is hard to do because this girl in Jamaica was my first girlfriend. She comes from a good family and there were times, when I was in Jamaica, when she assisted me, as her parents are not poor and she always had enough money to help me out. She is a good girl.

My American girlfriend is very demanding. She asked me if I called my girlfriend in Jamaica and told her that we would have to break up. I lied and told her yes, but I haven't. I don't know what to do, Pastor. Which one of these girls I should be with? My American girlfriend is one year older than I am. She said that she had sexual relations with three other guys, but she has dropped them since she met me. I am the first man for my girlfriend in Jamaica. Please tell me what I should do.


Dear L.W.,

You have got tangled up in two relationships. You are a young man, and you have to learn that some women can be very aggressive.

Some Americans allow their daughters to start dating at the age of 14, and some at the age of 16. It is not unusual for some American girls to ask guys to have sex with them on their first date. When you became involved with this American girl, you should have told her about your Jamaican girl and that you were not prepared to leave her. But you gave her the impression that you preferred her, and you find yourself lying.

You should tell her the truth. Tell her that you wish to give yourself some more time before you settle down with either of them. She may give you a fight to keep you. She may even tell you that you don't know what your Jamaican girl is doing, because you are far away. Let her know that you appreciate what she is saying, but you still prefer to give yourself time, and you would appreciate if she did not push you. It is not going to be an easy relationship to break. I wish you well.


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