Living with a guy I don’t love

September 07, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am having a relationship with a guy who is 27. I don't love him, but he loves me.

I have moved in with him. We have an understanding that it is a relationship with benefits. We have a one-bedroom place, but it is very comfortable. The understanding between us is that I will keep the place clean. He pays all the bills, and he buys the food.

I can go wherever I wish. Sometimes he picks me up after work, but if I don't want him to pick me up, I call him and tell him and he understands. If I am going with another man, I let him know. I used to have a relationship with another guy, but he went to Canada. I am not willing to give him up, because he is the man I really love.

This guy I am living with, I have sex with him often; sometimes twice per week. He doesn't force me to do anything. He has a sister who is in my age group and whenever she comes to Kingston on business, she stays with us. He sleeps on the couch and his sister and I share the bed.

My parents believe that this guy and I are lovers, but we are not lovers in the true sense of the word. I don't refuse to have sex with him because I know if I refuse, he can tell me to leave. He is a handsome guy and he can get any type of girl he wants. He earns a good salary. I met him when I was in financial trouble and I told him the truth, and we made an arrangement to live together and share facilities. He doesn't own me and I don't own him. He does not abuse me in any way. So I would say he is a good man. I have even tried to love him the way I love my boyfriend, but that is not happening. Do you think that I am bad? I hope you don't think that way.


Dear A.T.,

You have declared that this is a relationship with benefits. I don't believe that anybody should have that type of relationship, but who am I to condemn what people do? You have a boyfriend who is not on the island. Does he know that the relationship that you are now in is one with benefits? Meaning, whenever this man wants you to go to bed with him you have to comply, and you take care of the house, his food and his clothes. Any man who seriously loves a woman wouldn't want her to be in another relationship with benefits.

Therefore, I am hoping that you would try your very best to end this type of living as early as possible.


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