Ashamed that my uncle got me pregnant

September 05, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old female, and I need your advice. I have a boy and a girl. After I had my second child, I decided that I did not want any more.

I wasn't married when I had these children, but I got married in 2022. I did not tell my husband that I have two children. I told him I only have a daughter. He told me that I can have the son by him, and every time we had sex and he ejaculated, he would say, 'That is the boy'.

I lied to this man and he had been desperately trying to get me pregnant. I was on the Pill but not any more. The doctor said I should relax because nothing is wrong with me, and I can get pregnant at any time. My daughter loves my husband. My son lives in one of the islands, and he does not know my husband. Sometimes I cry because I did not tell my husband the truth.

My husband has taken this thing very far. One day I came home, and he showed me a test result. He said he thought he was of no use and he could not get a woman pregnant, so he got himself tested and everything was all right. My husband is a Christian. He doesn't keep other women with me. So what is the problem why I can't get pregnant? Don't think that I am a bad woman, but it has come to my mind to give myself to another man to see if he can get me pregnant and let my husband believe that he is responsible for it. That is how I am desperate to get pregnant now.

You may ask the question why I didn't tell him that I had two children. The person who got me pregnant was my uncle, and I was ashamed to let my husband know that I had had an affaire with him. No one in the family knows that I slept with the uncle and that we used to have sex often. That night when he got me pregnant, he and I were at a party and instead of him taking me to my parents' house, I slept at his house, and it happened. He took care of everything at the hospital and soon after he went to live and work in one of the islands. He got married there and took his child to live with him.

Now, Pastor, please do not condemn me. Just give me your advice.


Dear H.M.,

You have deceived your husband, but I don't intend to condemn you. Your uncle evidently took advantage of you because he was in a position to give you the things that you needed to have as a yo ung girl. Although I have not mentioned your age, you knew better. Your uncle and you were aware that any unprotected sex may cause a woman to become pregnant. How long are you going to hide the truth from your husband?

I am not here saying that you have to tell your husband that it was your uncle who got you pregnant, but I suggest that you tell your husband that you have two children. I don't know why you have not been able to get pregnant again since you have been married. The doctor told you that everything is all right and it can happen any time and your husband is in good health.

Tell your husband the truth. You are both suffering. Free up your mind, and if your husband tells you to go, go in peace. But I doubt he will. If he tells you to go, you will have yourself to blame.


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