My boyfriend has no stamina

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I have been reading your column for a long time; I would say since I was in high school. My father bought THE STAR, especially THE WEEKEND STAR ,and I used to read it.

When I was 17 years old, I had my first sexual experience with a friend of my father. My father trusted him, but this man had his eyes on me all the time, and he told me so. He used to give me money. He was the first man I ever kissed. He went to America and when he came back, and we were alone, he pulled me to him and pushed his hand in my pants and put US$20 in there. That was a lot of money to me. He told me he couldn't buy anything for me because he did not want anybody to see it, so I should buy something nice for myself.

One day I left home to go to the library, but our plan was that he would pick me up. He picked me up and took me to a 'hotel' and we had sex. I was scared, but he was very tender. He gave me another US$20. I became accustomed to having sex with this man and whenever I did not see him, I was worried.

I now have a boyfriend, but he is not as good as my father's friend. My boyfriend cannot have sex with me for long; he ejaculates very fast. When we first had sex and he ejaculated very quickly, I asked him what the problem was. He said he was too anxious. But this is happening over and over again. For that reason, I feel like continuing the relationship with my father's friend. He is a much older man, but my boyfriend can't control his ejaculation. So I want to know what can be done.

S.

Dear S.,

You have not given the age of your boyfriend, neither have you given your current age. But you became sexually active when you were 17, and I am assuming that your father trusted his friend and did not expect him to be having sex with you. You needed help, so you became imitate with him. So often, I can't print everything writers say, but I can say this much -- that this man was a man of experience, and he knew what to do to excite you, and to make you wanting to have him over and over.

Concerning your present boyfriend who has a problem with premature ejaculation, this is a condition that some men are faced with. Men with this condition may feel very embarrassed, because their women often laugh at them and tell them they are no good. Some men before they enter the vagina, they discharge. These men should seek professional help. There are exercises that they can do, but I am not going to go into that. Some may need to consult a sex therapist. In fact, the best way for a man to do these exercises is for his woman to work with him.

I don't feel free to say a lot on this matter to you, because this man and you are not married. But what I suggest is that you talk to him about going to a sex therapist to get professional help. And please, young lady, do not continue to have sex or to make yourself available to your father's friend.

Pastor