Mother-in-law has never bought anything for my baby

June 01, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 27. He said he loves me, but I do not see it. He does not show any affection. When I ask him how I can prove that he loves me, he says that he is always with me.

Most times he is with me, but not all the time. I have to force him to assist me in the house. He does not play with the baby, but if I give him the feed, he feeds the baby.

This man was spoilt by his mother. Sometimes he is here, but if his mother calls him and tells him that she needs his help, he will drop everything and go to her. I sometimes believe that she does not like me. He had a girlfriend that his mother loves. But when he got me pregnant, she told him that he should stay with me because he had got me pregnant. I was surprised when she said that. When I had the baby, she spent two days at the house assisting me. She has never bought anything for the baby, and she has travelled twice since I have had the child. When the child was christened, she did not attend the church.

My boyfriend would love to have another child, but I don't want another child by him; I prefer to get out of this family. This woman has other children, but he is the only son, and his navel string is still tied to her.

When our daughter was born, her father insisted that we put his mother's middle name as one of her names. I allowed him to have his way. But sometimes I wonder if I should have done that. I don't have anything against this woman, but she has not been very nice to me.


Dear M.F.,

Learn to live in peace with this woman. According to what you have written, she hasn't said anything bad about you. You think she prefers the other girl your boyfriend used to go with.

When you got pregnant, she could have encouraged her son to drop you and stick with the other girl, but instead she encouraged him to stay with you because you were carrying his child. As I see it, she is not a bad woman. She also stayed with you two days after you gave birth. Girl, you know how many in-laws would not have done that? I hope you said thanks to her for the support she gave to you. She is not a bad woman. She has not bought anything for the baby so far, but she has given of her time to you, so you should stop complaining.

If you don't want to continue having a relationship with this young man, you should move on. But don't try to use his mother as the reason for breaking up with him. I repeat, judging from what you have written, she is not a bad mother-in-law.

Your boyfriend does not show much affection and you are concerned about that, but he can learn, and he would change with counselling, etc. Don't push this young man; and please try and get a job as soon as you are able to work. As I see it, you need to go and work, and stop complaining.


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