Husband got my sister pregnant

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I wrote you when I was 19 and you replied. Now I am 29 and I have a daughter. I don't regret having her, but I regret getting pregnant for her father.

My husband is an older man and after I had my child, I wanted someone to assist me. My sister was unemployed and I told my husband that I would prefer not to have a stranger to help me with the baby. I talked to my mother about it also, and both my mother and my sister decided to come and stay with me for a while. My mother spent two months and then she had to leave. My sister became a great help to me. She was doing so well that my husband and I said she could spend four months; the four months became six. I had so much confidence in my husband and my sister that I gave her all the privileges that a family member could enjoy.

To cut a long story, my husband started to use her as his second wife. The place was clean when I got home and the baby was well taken care of. But my sister became ill. I asked her what was wrong with her and she said she did not know. I told my mother that my sister couldn't keep anything down. My mother said that was strange, so I should take her to the doctor.

Before I did, I asked my sister when last she had sex and she reminded me that her boyfriend was in rural Jamaica. I asked her if my husband troubled her and she did not respond. I told my mother that she did not respond, and my sister told her that she wanted to come home. That very evening I sat with my sister and she admitted that she had been having sex with my husband. I could not believe that they were sleeping together. She told me that my husband had promised that he would not discharge in her.

At first, I hated my sister, but now I hate my husband even more because he should have known better. Now he is trying to blame her. She is back in rural Jamaica and she is not getting anything from him. I do not want him. How am I going to have my sister who has a child for my husband, and I have one for him? The people in our home town don't know that my husband impregnated my sister. They think that it is somebody from Kingston who knocked her up, so she had to leave Kingston and return to rural Jamaica.

I told my mother that I am going to divorce my husband and then I am going to give our daughter our last name. I have had to be helping my sister with money. When I asked my husband for money to send to her, he said that she has got enough from him, so he does not intend to give her any money.

So I am asking you please, what to do.

S.C.

Dear S.C.,

I suppose you are reluctant in telling your sister to take your husband to court for child support. You do not want scandal in the family. But how would your sister get support for her child? I observed that you did not say that your husband is denying going to bed with her and that he has not accepted paternity. What he has done is to bring shame on the family.

You have not said how old your sister is, but surely when she was going to bed with him, she was an adult. But she was probably very naive. If this man is going to behave now as if he doesn't care, perhaps taking him to court for maintenance is the best thing she should do. I am not saying that it would be the easiest thing. Perhaps you should insist that he gives you the money for the child and you send it to your sister.

Right now, the people in the community don't know the truth, but the truth will be revealed. You are not to be blamed for what happened between your sister and your husband. Your mother is not to be blamed either. Everybody was trying to help you, but your husband has disgraced everyone.

Ask your sister about how she would feel about taking your husband to court for maintenance.

Pastor