Gave my cheating husband bun with his brother

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I am happy to write to you. You are an inspiration. I have done good things and bad things, but mostly good.

I did bad things because my husband pushed me to do them. I was a very good wife to him, but from the very first week we got married, my husband started cheating. His own brother told me he was always a man who loved his girls. But he told his brother that he was done with those things because I was a perfect girl, so he had to settle down.

I realised that I could not remain with my husband when he asked me if he could bring one of his girlfriends into our home for a threesome. I was shocked, so I told him that the only way I would agree is if the following night he would allow me to bring one of my boyfriends for a threesome. He asked me if I was crazy. I told him if I couldn't bring one of my friends for a threesome, then there is no way I would consent to one of his prostitutes coming to the house.

I went to see a counsellor and my husband was very upset about that. He finally agreed for us to see a counsellor together. He told the counsellor I was boring and I only wanted to do one position all the time. He said he found out that I had 12 different men before we got married. The counsellor asked him if he could say who they were and he could not even give one name. The session lasted for more than an hour. On our way home, my husband said that he wasted his time by sitting with the counsellor.

After we left the counsellor's office, I decided that my marriage was not going anywhere, so I started to see other men. I am not proud of what I did, but I know my conscience is free. I am not pretending to love my husband any more. In fact, I hate his guts and I regret the day I met him. Even one of his brothers asked me to have sex with him and I agreed. Sometimes we even talk on the phone for hours, but we have only had sex once.

Please, Pastor, don't condemn me.

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

You blame your husband partly for the breaking up of your marriage and I can understand what you are saying. But let it be known, you are responsible at all times for what you do.

You are responsible for what you did in the past before you got married, you are responsible for what you do in the marriage, and you are responsible for what you do in the future.

Your husband always loved women. He told one of his brothers that he was going to stop, but he didn't mean it. I wonder if this is the brother you got sexually involved with. People do crazy things. This man made a sham by going to see a counsellor; it didn't mean a thing to him.

There was a time that people didn't talk about threesomes openly, but they do now. Women pay their girlfriends to join them in bed with their husbands. Professionals, non-professionals, etc, want this extra 'kick' from this threesome mess. But most times, after their friends have slept with these men, they go permanently with these men and the good friendship between the women comes to an end.

I hope that you will come to your senses and drop all these men. Believe me, you are wrecking yourself.

Pastor