Think my boyfriend might be too old for me

May 02, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old. I am living with a man who took me in because I was staying with relatives and I was not getting along with them. I am from the country. My parents are very poor. When I was 16, my aunt asked my mother to allow me to come and live with them and they would help me to go back to school. The first week I was here, they gave me a basket of clothes to wash. My cousin stopped washing her work uniform and gave them to me to wash. I washed them and when I asked her if she was going to give me anything, she said I was living for free and eating her food, so I had no more money to get. I stopped washing, but I continued to cook because I needed something to eat.

There was a man living next door with two girls and he started to eye me, so I decided to tell him about my situation. He spoke to my family about it and everybody got upset and told me that I would have to go back to the country. So I told this man and the girls that I have to go back to the country and they told me that I should come and stay with them; so I went. The two girls, who were cousins, said that I could sleep in their room.


The man told me that I could have his room. He was a security guard. Most of the time he was not at home. We became friends and he started to give me money and he told me that if I behaved myself, I wouldn't have a problem. I was a virgin, but he was surprised about that. When he asked me for sex, I told him that I was afraid and I did not want to get pregnant. He told me he wouldn't. He bought a pack of condoms and told me that if we were going to do anything, he would use them.

I told my folks in the country what I was going through and they told me to stay in Kingston because there's nothing in the country for me. My relatives told them that I was bad because I had gone to live with a man and I didn't know anything about him. It is true, I don't know anything about this man, but he helps me. Right now I am going to class and he is paying for me.

Now that they see that I am doing well, everybody wants to talk up to me. I have not even looked at another guy since I have been in Kingston. My only problem is that this man is more than twice my age, but he doesn't have children and he doesn't have a wife. I did not believe him, but his relatives told me that it is true. Sometimes when he is here on his days off, he helps me to wash and iron. He said that I should not overwork myself. I am happy with this man and he is happy with me. He buys me nice stuff. I don't say anything bad about my relatives, but my boyfriend is always saying that they are wicked people.


Dear P.A.,

I am glad that you have listened to your folks and that you have not returned to rural Jamaica. Coming to Kingston was an escape from the conditions under which you lived.

It was just unfortunate that those with whom you came to live did not treat you very well. So when this man told you to come and live with him and his relatives, it was probably not such a bad move after all. Your relatives took advantage of you. They should have helped you with pocket money, after all, they knew that you needed money. But they were cruel and selfish to you.

The security guard was a wise man and he saw you as a good girl and he became involved with you. I am glad that he has been treating you very well. I hope he will continue to do so. Try your best not to become involved with any other man, especially while living with him. Make sure he does not get you pregnant. Do your best in school and let me hear from you again.

Time will tell if this man will change, but in the meantime, be loyal to him and tell him that you hope he will marry you. Don't be worried about his age right now.


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