Ex-boyfriend treats me like a prostitute

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am sexually active. My boyfriend is 19. Both of us like to use flavoured condoms. I introduced that type of condom to him because that is what my ex-boyfriend used to use.

He is the one who took my virginity and introduced me to oral sex. He is 29 years old. I tried to leave my current boyfriend because he is away often, and we don't see each other as often as I would like. Sometimes I have to call my ex-boyfriend and ask him for food and money. He gives it to me, but he makes me feel as if I am a prostitute.

I know he has a woman, but they are not living together. He is very rough if I ask him for money. Sometimes all he wants from me is oral sex. But I do not always want to have oral sex with him because I know he has other women.

My boyfriend is studying abroad and he cannot always send me money. I want to leave my boyfriend because I am not getting enough money to live on. My boyfriend sends me money for my rent, but after paying that, I have very little to carry me through the month. I have a cousin living with me and I told her to cover half the rent. It is only $20,000 for the rent, but this cousin's boyfriend is showing interest in me and I do not like him in that way. Because my cousin is here, my ex-boyfriend cannot come to the house freely, because she will tell my boyfriend.

I don't know what to do. I think that the time has come for me to decide whether to continue to have a relationship with this guy who is studying abroad or to go back to my ex, who can more than support me.

I do not stop my cousin from bringing her boyfriend here, but I cannot bring my ex here because I am afraid of what may happen. I know she would talk, and my boyfriend would stop sending money to me for the rent. He is that type of a person.

What do you think I should do?

S.P.

Dear S.P.,

You have not said anything about whether you are employed or attending school. You seem to be relying on men to help you. So I want to put it straight to you. Any woman who is always relying on men to support her will have a very difficult time in life.

Your so-called ex-boyfriend will never fully trust you, and will always use you because you are in need. Your rent has to be paid and you consider having sex with him as an easy way to get money to pay it. He is using you, and you are using him. You feel like a prostitute, and he sees you as one.

Wouldn't it be better for you to go and look for a job and earn enough to pay your rent, and end this crazy relationship with this man you call your ex? He is not your ex; he is your 'side man', and he will always have you on your back because you need his money.

Your cousin would tell your boyfriend what you are doing, and that is why you cannot allow him to come to your house. At the same time, you are scared because you say that your cousin's boyfriend has interest in you, but you are afraid to tell your cousin about it. Get yourself a job and learn to pay your bills. If you don't, you will continue to live as a prostitute.

Pastor