I am afraid of men

December 06, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am writing to you because I have a problem. I am living with my grandparents. I do not know my father. My mother left me with my grandmother when I was just five years old. My grandfather cannot read, but my grandmother is literate. My grandmother sent me to Sunday school from the time I was a child. Nothing is too good for my grandmother to give to me.

I don't even know the name of my father. My grandmother told me that my mother never told her his name. She said she believes my mother got me on the street. As I grew up, I realised that I should not talk to my grandmother about my father, so I stopped asking her about my mother. My grandaunt paid for me to go to school. I went to high school and I passed five subjects, which was a surprise to many people. I always wanted to be a doctor. People say that that will not happen, so I am hoping to become a nurse. I am a bright girl.

A man in the district told my grandfather that he likes me, and my grandfather told him to take his eyes off me and look around for someone else because I am going to take shame out of his eyes. This man is about 40 years old. My grandmother says he likes all the young girls in the district.

I do not have a boyfriend. These guys in the district are not serious about life and I am a very serious girl. I have never had sex. You can say I am afraid of men. These guys only have one thing on their minds, and I am not interested in that.

I am going back to school to try and get more subjects. If I cannot be a doctor I am going to aim to become a nurse. I will not give up. I enjoy reading your column. I am encouraged by the things you write. Thanks for reading my letter.


Dear B.,

I hope that you will not condemn your mother for leaving you with your grandparents. Perhaps that was the best thing she could have done after becoming pregnant. It is not unusual for some women to become pregnant without knowing the names of the men who impregnated them. Some women only knew their aliases, and some can only say that the man is tall or short. They didn't know where he lives, or whether he was married or single.

Your grandmother said that her daughter did not give her much information about the man. I am glad that your grandparents took care of you. With the assistance of another relative, you were able to attend school. You have done very well. You succeeded in five subjects, and you have a desire to become a medical doctor. I know that some people would say that you have big ambition, but nothing is wrong in thinking big. As you have said, if you can't reach that goal, you would love to be a nurse.

With regard to that man who has eyes on you, I know that your grandfather is also trying to protect you. You have not thrown yourself around. Take good care of yourself and study hard.

I would be happy to know more of your progress. My prayers are with you.


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