Babyfather doesn’t treat my mother right

November 28, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am from a poor family. My mother has four of us, but she was never married. She was a higgler and we all assisted her. All of us have different fathers.

My mother told us that she was not careless. Each man she met made promises, but did not keep them. I know my father, but he did not help me. I used to go to his workplace and ask him for lunch money. One day he told me not to come back. I remember that there was a time when I only had one set of uniforms and I had to wash every other day. Sometimes when it rained, my uniform could not dry and those days I had to miss school. I had good teachers and they helped me.

I met a man soon after I left high school. My mother asked him what his intention was towards me and he said he would help me to do whatever I wanted. I told him I wanted to do hairdressing, so he gave me the money to go to a certain place. But he kept other women with me and I couldn't deal with that. We broke up and I met this other man who I am with now. He is 10 years older and has his own home. I moved in with him because he got me pregnant. Now we have two children together.

My mother was not well, so I told him that I would like her to live with us. He did not say anything, so I went for my mother. I was going to school while taking care of my mother. When my mother started to get better, this man said that she had to go home. I told him that nobody would be there to take care of her because I am the only girl child and my brothers are living with their girlfriends. He said she could not stay. I told him that he should give me some money and I would rent a place and live there with my mother. He cursed me and he said that it was because I wanted to have another man. Nothing could be further from the truth. My mother does not do higglering anymore; she can't manage. This man comes home and he does not even say good evening to my mother.

Recently, I met another man and I told him about my problems. This man told me that he was looking for someone to take care of his mother. I told him that I could take the job, so I told my children's father I was going to leave. He said I could not take my children. I didn't mean to get involved with this other man, but I did. I love him and he is giving me much more than what my children's father gave. This man does not want my children's father to come to his house, so my children are still with him. I don't want him anymore. My mother is very comfortable, but she cries all the time because she feels that she has caused my children's father and I to break up.

My brothers chip in and take my mother to the doctor and help her to buy medication. We are trying to build a little house for her. My children's father wants me back. He has even threatened me, but I don't want him anymore. I am not prepared to give up my present boyfriend. I feel so worried at times. I don't know what to do.


Dear I.P.,

I understand your situation very well. You believe that as a girl, you should take care of your mother and that is exactly what you are trying to do.

I am glad that you have tried to assist your mother and I am happy that she is much better. You are indeed a good daughter. Your children's father is brutish. He did not treat your mother very well. He did not want an in-law to live at his house. He did not have to be disrespectful to her at all. You have got yourself sexually involved with your employer and now your children's father wants you back. You do not see yourself with him anymore.

You are taking care of your mother and your employer's mother simultaneously. I hope that very soon you and your brothers will be able to build a house for your mother. You say this man threatened you; you should report all threats to the police. I cannot encourage you to go back to him, but make sure you see your children as often as possible. Take care of yourself and continue to take care of your mother.


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