Feel guilty for using a sex toy

September 09, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I wrote you sometime ago about whether it is right for Christians to use sex toys including vibrators and other forms. I did not see your answer. Perhaps if you had answered, I missed it.

But this is being discussed among Christians, so I would like to get your opinion. I am 31 years old and my husband and I have been married for four years, but he is presently working outside the country, and we are not able to be together. My husband shocked me one day when he was leaving the island. He gave me a sex toy and told me that when I felt for sex, I should help myself by using it. I told him that he was insulting me, but I took it and hid it in my drawer.

One night I was feeling very lonely and I wished my husband was around. While talking to him on the phone, I told him how much I missed him and he said he missed me too. Then he asked me about my toy. We discussed many things until we hung up. Then I went and pulled out my toy and I used it. Since then I have been using it very often. But some Christians say that it is not right for Christians to use these things.

What do you say?

Married Woman

Dear Married Woman,

I am not going to condemn anyone who uses a sex toy if that person feels that it is helpful. It is not something that I would tell a couple to always use. Take the matter of the vibrator.

The kind of sensation that that thing can create, no man can duplicate that. So, if a woman feels that she can satisfy herself with a vibrator, she may say that she has no use for her man. And what a tragedy that could be! I hope I am not confusing you, but everything in this world should be done in moderation.

Having sexual intercourse with your husband is the way both of you show love to each other. Now in your case, your husband is away and he believed that he did something good for you by buying a vibrator. I will not condemn you if you were to use it in moderation.

Your female friends or Christian sisters should not condemn other women who use vibrators or other forms of sex toys. You don't have to tell them what you do, it is not their business. Some things ought to remain private. A Christian young lady once told me on air that she uses a vibrator. She takes good care of it and she said that that day when she spoke on radio, she was just coming from church. She washes it, puts it away and she said that her vibrator does not cheat. I have said enough.


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