Side man is better in bed than my fiancé

August 31, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old woman who is currently in a relationship with a man who is 32. We have been living together for the past eight months.

We are supposed to be getting married soon. We are both goal-oriented, working-class people. But I think there is a problem. I got intimately involved with my boss who is 53. At first, I thought that it would be a one-time thing, but we have continued for the past two years, which is the same amount of time that my boyfriend and I have been together. Our connection and chemistry is real.

This man knows how to make love to a woman very well. Every opportunity I get to be away from my boyfriend, I use it to see him. I think I love him but I love my boyfriend. Can a woman love two men at the same time? I do not want to leave this man because he gives me great pleasure in bed and that's every woman's dream. My boyfriend does not know how to do that, plus he orgasms quickly and his tool is small. This man gives me good relationship advice and wisdom about life. He even looks out for my boyfriend, because if he gets tickets for an event, he sends them for the both of us.

When I told him that I will be getting married and I have to stop seeing him, he did not take it well. He told me that I should think things over. I continued seeing him. Since then, he has been helping me with my wedding plans. Whenever I visit him, we scroll online to find suitable wedding dresses and he gives good suggestions pertaining to the wedding. We were even supposed to go and look at a property where he suggested I could take my wedding photos. I am now a bit worried that my boyfriend might find out about us. I don't want to lose my boyfriend because despite his faults in the bedroom, he is a really good person who I can build a future with. But it is really hard to stop seeing this other man.

I am seeking your advice on this matter.


Dear R.G.,

I do not wish to embarrass you in any way, but I have to tell you the truth and I hope that you will not get angry. I believe that you have written to me because you need help. So please accept what I say with much grace.

I want to beg you to do what is right. So ask yourself these questions. Do you believe that it is right to be living with a man and to be planning to marry him, but at the same time to be having an affair with another man? Is it right to be encouraging this other man to help you plan your marriage? You are an intelligent young woman, you are not a fool. Therefore I urge you again, do what is right. End the relationship with this older man. It is going to be tough because you know him as 'Mr Do It Nice'. He is a great lover and you love him.

You asked whether it was possible for a woman to love two men at the same time and the answer is yes. It is possible but that woman would have to love one of them more. That is exactly what is bothering you. You love your boyfriend but you love this other man more.

If you continue to have sex with these two men something bad is likely to happen. You may even lose your life. I make a solemn promise to you. I will be praying for you. You can be assured that I will not divulge any matter that you have sent to me.


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