Tired of my good for nothing man

August 30, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am working. My boyfriend is 27 and he has not been able to hold down on a job. Whenever he gets a job, he complains that he doesn't like it because the people don't like him. He claims that they say all manner of things about him. In the mornings when he should get up to go to work, he complains about aches and pains. Sometimes I have to get rough on him. I have called him names that a woman should not use to describe her man. I am frustrated with this man.

My father is a farmer and he sends us ground provision every week, and most times, all we have to do is to find meat. People who see us wouldn't know the hell I am going through with this man. He likes to dress up and go out on weekends, but he is not a progressive man. Sometimes I have to withhold sex from him to punish him. I am tired of him.

He does not like to see me go out. He's lucky that I am not the type of girl who would drop my underwear for the type of men who would love to have me.

Just recently my company sent me on a retreat for two days. One of my co-workers tried his best to get me to go to bed with him. I like the guy and I thought that was my opportunity to try another man, but I couldn't do it. I came back as dry as I left home.

When I got home, this man could not even cook a meal and prepare for me that Sunday evening. I was so upset, I refused to prepare dinner. Chicken was in the freezer and he wanted me to prepare dinner for his lazy self.

I ask myself all the time why I got involved with this man. He comes from a good family but his siblings are more ambitious than he is. Whenever I threaten to leave him, he changes his behaviour for a few days and then goes back to his old ways.

Whenever I do not have sex with him, he says that I am getting it from someone else. However, he fails to understand how I have to constrain myself not to go that way.

I am asking you please for your advice.


Dear V.,

Your boyfriend and yourself need to sit with a counsellor. He is taking you for granted. He does not realise that he has a good woman. He is not pulling his weight. For a relationship to be successful, both people have to work together and pull together. One cannot be going east and the other one going west.

Life, at times, can be a struggle, and not everything will go smoothly. Perhaps at times he will have challenges at his workplace but he should not just walk off a job and say people don't like him. Who is going to pay his bills when he walks off the job? The Bible says that if a man will not work, let him not eat. The Bible also says that a man must provide for his household. Both of you are fortunate to be receiving help from your father regularly.

This guy does not know what it is like to work hard. You have been trying your best not to get involved with other men and that is commendable. It would be better to leave him than to cheat and remain with him. So I say to you, tell this man that unless he is willing to change, you are going to move out. You should also insist that both of you meet with a family counsellor to try and resolve the problems that you are having.

I wish you well.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories