Doubt that my boyfriend really thinks I’m special

October 22, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am only 17 and I lost my virginity when I was 16. I promised my boyfriend that we could have sex when I was 16. My boyfriend is 24.

He is a security guard and his day off was on my birthday. It was a Saturday, so he prepared for me. He is living with some other people but he has his own room and bathroom. He bought a cake before I got there and we had some wine. He also bought some chicken and we had music. We turned off our phones. We ate, danced, and turned the radio up so nobody could hear us. It was my first time doing things with a man, but it was an experience I will never forget. The sex was hot but we did it twice. He gave me a chain but I could not take it home, so I told him to keep it. When I saw him again I asked him for it and he told me he could not find it. I was very upset. How can a man give you something so special for your birthday and then he can't find it? He does not call me very often anymore. I believe he has another girl, but he is telling me no. Whenever I want to visit him he says he has to be working and he is working hard to buy a car. I am very jealous. I would like to do nursing and he tells me that when he buys the car, I wouldn't have to ride on the bus. I love this man with all my heart. I told him he should leave the security job because it is too dangerous, but his aim is to join the police force. I believe that he has given the chain to another girl because he told me that I am the third girl whose virginity he has taken. I told him I hate him for that because if I knew that before, I could have slowed him down from taking mine.

But he said I am special and he is planning to settle down and marry me when I am finished with nursing school and he is a police officer. I am confused. I don't know what to believe. He gives me pocket money whenever I see him. The most I have ever got from him is $5,000 but I can get more money from another man who loves me, if I am willing to have sex with him. He works on a building site right now. He is always telling me how much he admires me and he is hoping that I will give him a chance. Pastor, do you think my boyfriend is telling me the truth? Should I leave him and move on with my life? I am looking for your answer.

Initials Withheld

Dear Initials Withheld,

It is likely that this young man has another girlfriend or more than one and that he gave this jewellery to one of them. You thought that you were special to him but evidently he did not consider you special. He wanted you to be with him on your 16th birthday and he bought you food, cake and drinks, and you had sex. You will never forget that but now you are being told that he took the virginity of two other girls. Evidently, he is taking pride in doing this. You are not with him for money and he doesn't give you much either. I believe that you are with him because you genuinely love him, but I believe that he is a liar and his hands are full. He is seeing other women, therefore, I would suggest that you look at the experience that you have had with him as a big mistake and leave him alone.

You want to be a nurse. Study hard, pass your exams and move on. You will find another man in your life when the time is right and he might come running back to you, but don't waste your time with him. I wish you the very best in life and please tell him that he can keep the chain he bought. Don't take anything from him. Please keep away from the man who works on the site. He wants your body and you will have to be careful not to allow yourself to be used by men. You will get a good man as you grow up.

Pastor

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