Not sure about my new guy

October 20, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I met a man who is one year older than I am. So far, I have found him to be very nice. He doesn't run me down or pressure me for sex. He gives me every little thing I want.

If I ask him for anything and he doesn't have it right away, he would borrow it and give it to me. I told one of my girlfriends about him and she said that he is not a good man because all policemen are bad men. I did not like what she said and I became fearful and wondered whether he would kill me.

I might sound a little crazy. He treated me well for my birthday too, but I am concerned whether I should give him a chance. I don't know if he would change, but so far he is OK with me. He is on the road most of the time because of his job, but we talk on the phone every day and video call each other. But I wish I could see him more often. He also works at nights. I like him a lot. I have two children and he has fathered one child.


My mother told me that no man would want a woman with many children. I am so concerned about that too. We became friends two months ago. Because he is not pressuring me for sex, does that mean that something is wrong? We had sex only once and I enjoyed it. But he sometimes complains that he is tired. Sometimes when we are talking on the phone, he falls asleep. He bought me a watch for my birthday. It cost him $5,000. I told him he should have bought something a little cheaper because he has matters to deal with. He became upset and said that I should be more grateful. He also said I should not have spoiled my birthday by saying that. Is something wrong in what I said?

Concerned Girlfriend

Dear Concerned Girlfriend,

You are not very sure about this man. You have big doubts about him and your girlfriend has increased the anxiety about the relationship by telling you that policemen cannot be trusted. That, of course, is a very broad statement. It is like what some people say 'All women are bad', and of course, that's not true. There are some bad women, but there are also some very good women. Now there are some policemen who have done things that cause people not to trust them, but not every police officer is bad. Some are law-abiding, some are indeed in the force to serve and protect the public. They are genuine. But, there are those who are not genuine. Some police officers love their families and they work very hard.

This man has told you that his job has kept him from seeing you. He may be using his job as an excuse, but he might be speaking the truth. I have always maintained, however, that no man can be so busy that he cannot see his girlfriend. You make time for the one you love. So, whenever he tells you that he is too busy, point out what I have said to you.


This relationship is very new. You are probably looking for too much in two months. You have to allow the relationship to grow. I could understand why this man says that you are not thankful. You should have accepted the watch and not complain. He has bills that you know about, but he made a sacrifice and bought you a watch; don't complain. One last thing before I go. Your girlfriend told you that policemen cannot be trusted; she was only putting you on your guard. You already had sex with this man and you want more. Your girlfriend was trying to tell you to be cautious. Your mother tells you how reluctant men are in marrying women who have children. If you are not careful, this man might get you pregnant. I think I have said enough. Bye.


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